Knowing
by ThnksFrThMmrs87
Summary: The terror and the thrill of knowing...


Disclaimer-- Not mine, enough said

Midnight at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix found twenty year old Hermione Granger moving quietly through the house, treading on tip-toes trying as hard as she could not to wake anyone up. The whole of the Order had decided that the next day would be the final push in a long arduous battle against Voldemort. Harry had destroyed all of the horcruxes save the one which resided in Tom Riddle's body and had gone to the Order to fully disclose what he knew. So tomorrow would be the end, tomorrow would come down to Harry and Voldemort, and only one of them would come out alive. Everyone knew there was a chance they could die, and everyone was trying to savor what could be their last moments. Everyone in the house had spent the night together and now everyone was taking advantage of the time they had left with the one's they loved. Ron and Luna, Tonks and Lupin, Ginny and Dean, Molly and Arthur, they were all relishing the time they had together; Hermione needed something as well, something she was determined to get before the end of the night.

She reached her destination and slipped quietly through the door. When she shut it behind her she found what she knew she would. Harry was sitting up in bed studying plans by the light of a few flickering candles but he set them aside when Hermione came in.

"Hermione what are you doing up?" he asked.

She sat on the edge of the bed and managed a small smile. "Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"I can't sleep with everything running through my head. I know I should try and get some rest but…" he left the rest unsaid.

"I know what you mean," she said quietly.

"What's up Hermione?"

She hugged her arms around her body and took a deep breath. "I need… something," she said mysteriously.

"Okay," he said with a little smile. "What is it?"

Hermione flushed and stood, turning to stare at the empty canvas on the wall. "We all know that we could die tomorrow. I may not live to see my twenty- first birthday, Harry."

"Don't say that."

"You know its true Harry. We could all die tomorrow, and there are things I may never get to do."

She heard the bed creak and felt him behind her. "I know, I feel the same way." He reached out lay a hand on her shoulder. "There's plenty that I haven't done and may never get to do."

"Then you understand."

"Yeah I understand, but I also know you Hermione. I know there's something specific that's worrying you, and you know you can tell me."

She took a deep breath. "There is something. I… I don't want to die without knowing... without knowing what it's like to make love." She felt the hand on her shoulder shake then fall away. For a moment she felt she should simply stop, but her fears overrode the compulsion and she turned to face him. "Say something."

Though his face was cast in shadow she could see that his eyes were wide. For a moment he remained silent and when he finally spoke his voice was almost hoarse. "Hermione are you asking…?"

"Yes."

"But what about Ron?"

Hermione shook her head. "You know that ended a long time ago Harry, and he's got Luna now."

"Ron's with Luna?" he asked.

She couldn't help but smile and the confused look on his face. "Oh Harry sometimes you can be such a boy. Ron and Luna have been together for months."

"Ok, I guess I don't pay close enough attention, but Hermione you realize what you're asking?"

"I know what I'm asking."

Harry shook his head. "Why me?"

"Who else? I trust you , body and soul."

The simple statement was as effective as an arrow to his heart, though he knew that she hadn't meant it as a devious blow; it was a simple fact. "Hermione, are you sure this is what you want?"

"I'm sure." Her eyes closed briefly and when they opened again she look at him through a sheen of tears. "I don't want to die without knowing Harry."

He nodded and took a shaky breath. "Neither do I."

Her eyes widened. "I didn't know you hadn't… I thought."

Harry shook his head. "Never." He reached out to frame her face with his hands. "I'll only ask you this one last time, are you sure?"

She brought her hands up to cover his and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm absolutely sure."

He nodded and rested his forehead against hers. "Then we'll do this together."

"Together." She let her hands fall to his shoulders. "I feel so ridiculous, I came in here and practically propositioned you and now I'm nervous."

"You think you're nervous? I'm terrified," he said with a laugh.

Hermione smiled. "That makes two of us."

"I can't make this perfect for you."

"It doesn't have to be perfect; it just needs to be honest and real."

For a moment they stood in silence, wondering where to go from there. Then Harry slowly leaned down and kissed her for the first time. Her arms looped around his neck and he pulled her flush against him as he deepened the kiss. Hermione's eyes fluttered closed and she lost herself momentarily in sensation. Harry pulled away to press a soft kiss on her forehead. He felt the last remnants of tension flood from her as he traced a path from her forehead back down to her lips, gently kissing both eyelids and cheeks and the tip of her nose.

As his lips captured hers again he laced their fingers together. Moments later he broke away and tugged gently on her hands, backing towards the bed.

At five that morning Lupin found he could no longer stay in bed. He had never really gone to sleep and found himself unable to shut his mind off and stop thinking about the day to come. He kissed Tonks forehead lightly and slid out of bed. He turned at the door to see her turning over with a slight frown, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't wake her from the last remnants of peace. Remus crept down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and tried to keep his mind of the task ahead for the moment. Considering the fact that Harry had almost completely stopped sleeping, he decided to go upstairs and see if the young would-be savior of the wizarding world was awake and wanted to talk.

Lupin went upstairs and walked quietly past the closed doors until he reached Harry's. He eased the door open but stopped short in the doorway when he realized that his young friend wasn't alone. Harry and Hermione both slept deeply, wrapped in each others arms. As Lupin stood stunned Hermione stirred slightly, nuzzling Harry's neck. The movement caused the bedclothes to slip from around her shoulders, revealing an expanse of bare back. Harry's arms tightened around her and Lupin backed from the room quietly with one last look at the tender scene.

"Well," Remus whispered to himself. Closing the door with a smile he decided to follow the young pair's example and go back to bed for as long as he could.

Sometime around seven the commonplace sounds of people moving around the house pulled Hermione from a deep dream-filled sleep. Straight away she was aware of Harry's arms wrapped around her and she sighed contentedly. Almost immediately the reality of what was to come pressed down on her, but she refused to let the tears come. She looked over at the clock and when she realized that they had a couple of hours before they had to be up she closed her eyes and basked in the feeling of arms holding her and Harry's skin warm against hers.

Hermione quickly realized that she couldn't sleep any longer. Rather than getting out of bed and shattering her peace she pulled the covers back up over them and closed her eyes again to think about the previous night. Harry had been wrong when he said he couldn't make it perfect; for her it had been. Her skin flushed pleasantly as she thought back, and it struck her that it was difficult to believe that Harry was as inexperienced as she was. Hermione was shaken from her thoughts by the voice of the man she'd been pondering.

"Morning," he said quietly.

Hermione smiled. She felt like the moment should be awkward, instead she simply felt content. "Morning."

Acting on an irresistible compulsion Harry stroked a hand idly up and down her back. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I feel wonderful." She squealed as he rolled so that they lay side by side. "Harry!"

Concerned green eyes met hers. "You're okay?"

She smiled, touched by his concern. "I'm fabulous. I am a little sore but I can fix that before we have to…" That one sentence sent them both crashing back to reality.

Harry rolled onto his back and took her back into his arms. "I'm terrified Hermione."

"Me too." For a moment they held each other in the heavy silence. "I'm glad it was you Harry."

"I'm glad it was you."

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

She breathed in deeply. "I think we both wanted it to be this way, we just didn't know it."

He grinned wryly. "Hermione, I don't think we could've gone through with it if we hadn't wanted it this way."

She laughed nervously. "You're right. I think there's something there."

Harry indulged her, though he was already quite certain there was something there. "How do we know?"

"Simple chemistry."

"Chemistry?" He gave her a doubtful look.

"Yes." She raised herself up on her arms and kissed him softly. She felt his hands pressing against back and smiled against his lips. Then in an instant his hands were entwined with hers and she was on her back, Harry above her taking the kiss deeper.

He nodded and fell back onto the bed next to her. "Chemistry works."

"Harry what if this is all we get?"

The palpable fear in her voice made him turn so they were face to face. "Then we know that we had something for as much time as we got."

She nodded and he leaned over to kiss her sweetly. Then a knock on the door had them springing apart and yanking the covers up around their shoulders.

"Are you up Harry dear?"

"I'm up but not dressed Mrs. Weasley," he said as Hermione pressed her face against his shoulder to stifle a laugh.

"Well, you'd best get a move on, we need to meet before… Well we'll see you downstairs, soon."

She moved away and Hermione's laughter immediately stopped. "Oh no, what if she goes in my and Ginny's room? I don't fancy trying to explain this to Mrs. Weasley first thing." She was up and out of bed in an instant, completely at ease with herself as she found her pajamas.

Harry watched her from a relaxed position on the bed. "It would definitely be interesting."

She turned to see him lounging against the pillows, watching her intently and smiled. "Don't you look like the cat that got the canary," she remarked as she pulled on her tank top.

He returned the smile and as she reached for the doorknob stood with the sheet wrapped around his waist. "You're beautiful, I can't remember if I told you that before." Before she left he kissed her once more, long and hard. "I'll be careful if you will," he told her when he pulled away.

"Deal. Stay alive." She kissed him quickly once more and then with a glance up and down the hall she slipped out.

Roughly three hours later the Order was prepared for their final assault. They were about half a mile away from the actual camp, but once they crossed into the expanse in front of them all Voldemort's defense spells and warnings would alert the Death Eaters to their presence, then all they would be able to do was fight and pray.

"Everyone stay safe, watch your backs," Harry said quietly. He met Hermione's eyes briefly as he said it. "Good luck."

They all nodded and took their positions. Hermione felt her heart skip a beat, but she only had a moment to contemplate her fate. On Harry's signal she and everyone else rushed forward, and within five minutes all hell broke loose. Dozens of Death Eaters were upon them within seconds. Hermione lost sight of the others as she began to fight in earnest. She tried to keep most of her spells nonverbal but before long her fear and lack of focus got the better of her and she was forced to begin shouting. Soon her voice was hoarse and her eyes burned from the smoke and flashing lights. Despite the discomfort she was surviving and that, she knew, was what was truly important.

Turning, she sent another curse flying. She only let her guard down for a second as she lowered her wand, but it was enough. She screamed as her arm was wrenched behind her back and she was forced to her knees. The Death Eater who had her said nothing, but she could feel the hot breath on the back of her neck. Rather than immediately kill her, the man seemed to want to play with her for a while. He cranked her arm back harder and she cried out as she felt her shoulder pop out of its joint. Sobbing she reached for the wand she had dropped with her left hand and received only a dizzying butt to the back of the head for her troubles.

"Hermione?"

Fred's voice floated to her from what seemed like very far away. Her shoulder was throbbing as the Death Eater pulled it harder against her back and spots began to dance at the edge of her vision. She distantly heard George's voice join Fred's and felt the man behind her stiffen and fall. With a sob of relief she cradled her arm against her body. She fought to stay upright until she felt one of the twins' arms encircle her, then darkness closed in on the world and everything went black.

When Hermione woke her vision filled with George's relieved face.

"Mum she's up!" he cried.

Hermione tried to sit up but immediately regretted it as her head spun. George smiled and pushed her gently back against the pillows. "Where are we?" she asked.

"We're in that warehouse Lupin found awhile ago. There's a sort of hospital set up for the wounded," Fred said, appearing from behind his twin, his mother following behind him. Molly set about examining Hermione while the twins continued to fill her in.

"You gave us a right scare, you've been out for ages," George told her.

"Then what happened?" Hermione asked, wincing as Molly prodded her injured arm.

"Well, we're pretty sure we won," Fred told her.

"Pretty sure?"

They exchanged a significant look. "Well after we found you we apparated with you back here then went back to the battle. It went on for hours after that and all of the sudden the Death Eaters just stopped fighting. We figure that Voldemort went down and they just knew," George elaborated.

"It was simple to deal with the lot of them after that but…"

"But what?"

"Nobody's seen Harry."

Hermione's stomach dropped as her heart leaped to her throat. Swallowing down the fear she managed to open her mouth. "He hasn't been seen at all?" she asked, feeling a tear slip down her cheek.

Fred shook his head. "Nobody, but then we haven't seen a lot of people yet."

As Fred finished speaking Molly stood with tears shining in her eyes. "There doesn't seem to be any permanent damage but you'll need to have that arm mended by one of the medi-witches. Excuse me." The twins both watched grimly as she hurried away.

"Did all of your family make it back?"

George shook his head. "We aren't sure. Ron and Luna apparated in about twenty minutes ago and Dad's in helping with the wounded, but Ginny and Charlie and Bill still haven't come back."

"They will, they have to," Hermione asserted. They both smiled weakly but nodded. "I can't just sit here," she said. "If you'll help me to a medi-witch I'll get my arm mended and I can lend a hand somewhere."

Hours later Hermione was delivering potions to wounded fighters, keeping track of injuries and steadfastly avoiding the part of the warehouse being used as a morgue. Since she had started helping she had discovered that a lot of the Order hadn't made it through. Moody and Mundungus had both been taken down along with Parvati, Colin Creevey, Hannah Abbot, Seamus, Professor Flitwick; the list went on for longer than she cared to think about. Hermione was very deliberately trying not to think about the fact that Harry had yet to show up. Every few minutes she heard the pop of someone apparating or the slam of a door and she couldn't help the blossoming of hope in her chest at the sound, but so far the blossom had been ruthlessly crushed every time. So now she was doing anything she could not to think about it as she went about her busy work.

"Ms. Granger, could you come help me for a moment?" Professor McGonagall asked.

She nodded and quickly crossed the room to help her former mentor administer a calming potion to a thrashing and incoherent Dean in the bed next to Ginny, who'd shown up minutes before. This time when the door slammed it barely registered in the back of her mind. It took a moment longer for them to subdue Dean, about the same amount of time that it took for the tumultuous cheer to rise up. She heard it, and she knew. Turning she saw Harry walk through the door into the main room, bruised and scraped, but relatively unscathed. She saw his eyes searching and when they found hers he smiled. Choking back tears Hermione took off running across the vast room. She impatiently pushed her way through the throng of people and flew into his arms. Harry lifted her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he captured her lips in a bruising kiss.

"When exactly did that happen?" Tonks asked Lupin.

He grinned. "Sometime after eleven last night, I'd say."

Oblivious to the cheers and catcalls they pulled apart and she rested her forehead against his. "You stayed alive," she said, tears tracing down her cheeks all the while.

He brushed a curl from her face. "So did you."

She kissed him again and when she drew away she framed his face with her hands. "We get more," she said on a sob as she slid to her feet.

Harry pulled her tight against him. "Don't cry Hermione, you know how I am with crying."

Her hands fisted hard in his shirt and she pressed her cheek to his heart as she fought for composure. "I'm sorry, I was just… I was so terrified, so worried that you'd be the next body…"

He shook his head. "But I wasn't; I'm right here and its over. He's gone for good, it's all over."

She nodded and as their conversation paused everyone gathered around pressed in on them asking questions and demanding the story. Throughout the inquisition he was forced to let her out of his arms but they remained linked, keeping their fingers laced. People cornered him over and over to press him for information until McGonagall berated everyone into leaving him alone to get checked out by the medi-witches. At their insistence Hermione reluctantly left his side and went to check on Ron who was sitting with Luna, having a discussion about something in the Quibbler. She sat and talked with them until she saw the medi-witches leave Harry. With a quick apology she left the pair and went back to his side.

"I can only assume you're okay then," she said.

"They gave me a clean bill of health," he told her with a sad smile. "I just wish more people were hearing that."

"Some people are, and that's something," Hermione said, taking his hand.

He sighed when he saw another gaggle of people approaching. "Wait until I can get you out of everyone's sight," he said under his breath, pulling her in tight against his side.

"Harry!"

He looked straight into her eyes. "I want you Hermione." He saw her eyes darken, knew they must mirror his. "More than that, I'm pretty sure I need you. Knowing that is a bit frightening."

The moment was encroached upon when some of the youngest survivors of the battle came over hoping to hear Harry's tale. He sat and pulled Hermione down next to him as he indulged them.

It was, she thought, a bit frightening, that need. But knowing made all of the difference.


End file.
